God has a way out...

Found this little story on Mastodon and thought it pretty funny. It goes like this:

Story:

I died choking on a carrot - final proof healthy living is a scam. I wake up in a glowing lobby that smells like eucalyptus and unresolved emotions.

In walks God, looking more like a tired barista than a thunder-wielding deity: hoodie, sandals, coffee mug that says "#1 Creator." They give me a kind smile. "Hey" they say, "Ready to reincarnate?"

I squint. "Back there? You seen Earth lately?"

God shrugs. "I check in sometimes." "Well" I say, "you really should’ve read the comments."

I lay it all out: climate collapse, billionaires LARPing as space cowboys, influencers selling moon water, rent’s a joke, AI's making playlists that understand me better than my ex.

God winces. "I gave you opposable thumbs and empathy. How did you mess it up this bad?" I shrug. "We tried capitalism." God sighs. "Again?"

"Alright, what do you want instead? Goat in the Alps? Small-town librarian? IKEA pencil?" I shake my head.

"No more loops. I want out."

God nods. "Okay. You want the Stillness. Total peace. Soul off-grid."

I blink. "Wait, that’s an option? Why don’t you lead with that?"

"Marketing," they say. "Reincarnation gets better engagement."

I laugh. "Yeah, I’m good. No more side quests." They raise their mug. "To finishing the game early."

Light washes over me. I fade, finally free. No rebirth. No chaos. No emails. Just... blessed silence.

Credit goes to @fribbledom on mastodon.social

If you have thoughts of suicide, please contact your locale suicide hotline for help